My Guardian Angel Flew Away

It's 2:30AM here in Baguio, Philippines. Yes, I went somewhere far from the Metro. I'm currently healing from a big heartbreak. And it's not your ordinary heartbreak; it's a friendship breakup, which to me is more painful.

My bestfriend left me hanging without a closure and explanation. He didn't talk to me. But when a friend of mine reached out to him, there I found out everything. That to him, I am already unhealthy for him.

"I can't handle Abby anymore"

"Be careful about her."

"She's so toxic".

These are things that I would expect someone to say about me....but what hurts is that it came from him, someone I thought wholeheartedly understands me. My bestfriend who kept on cheering for me and told me "Abby, you're doing great.". "Abby, you're resilient". "Abby, you have a kind heart". My bestfriend who told me he understands me because he knows how it feels.

So now I ask myself, what were all those? What happened to that beautiful year of friendship that all of a sudden, he suddenly got tired of me?

But myabe a context would help.

March 31, 2025, I saw a painful photo of my family enjoying together in the beach without me. I have been dealing with family issues recently so this photo triggered me. I tried to harm myself by doing overdose, and without knowing what II was doing after, I was able to call a friend and she got worried and called several people including my bestfriend. Which makes sense because he is my bestfriend.

When I got sober,I woke up to people being disappointed at me. And I guess that includes him. Someone I least would expect to abandon me.

It hurts.I'm dealing with so many emotions now. Pain, disappointment, heck I'm even starting to question my self worth. Like really.... am I really this hard to handle.

That no matter how much love I pour towards other people, what will matter to them is my mistake. Well, is it even a mistake to get hurt?

High school flashbacks. I got bullied. Because I was in pain. People abandoned me.

So I guess this is really the dynamics of people. In good times, they're there. But when you're not okay, they stay away.

I understand he wants to protect his peace. But really, after all the good times, this is how he ended up perceiving me.

It's painful to lose a bestfriend. It's painful someone would throw away everything we've been through. After all the good memories we've shared. After all the hardships we've conquered together.

And now I'm here in Baguio, trying to heal, trying to move on, trying to forgive myself. Because that's all I can do. Because my guardian Angel flew away.